Top 10 Andy Rooney Quotes
If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.
— Andy Rooney
People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.
— Andy Rooney
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
— Andy Rooney
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
— Andy Rooney
Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
— Andy Rooney
It’s paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.
— Andy Rooney
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.
— Andy Rooney
Vegetarian – that’s an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
— Andy Rooney
Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.
— Andy Rooney
Death is a distant rumor to the young.
— Andy Rooney
Motivational Andy Rooney Quotes
Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.
— Andy Rooney
..the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
— Andy Rooney
The third rule of life is this: Everything you buy today is smaller, more expensive, and not as good as it was yesterday.
— Andy Rooney
Small daily happenings make life spectacular…. start enjoying the small things in life!
— Andy Rooney
Elephants and grandchildren never forget.
— Andy Rooney
I can’t choose how I feel. But I can choose what I do about it.
— Andy Rooney
One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.
— Andy Rooney
Age is nothing but experience, and some of us are more experienced than others.
— Andy Rooney
Writers don’t retire. I’ll always be a writer.
— Andy Rooney
I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
— Andy Rooney
All this time I’ve been paid to say what is on my mind on television. You don’t get any luckier in life than that.
— Andy Rooney
I’ve learned that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
— Andy Rooney
Andy Rooney Quotes about Life-Changing
World War II and my memory of the four years I was involved with it has not dominated my life, although I haven’t spent any other four years into which so many memorable events were crammed.
— Andy Rooney
I’ve learned that under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
— Andy Rooney
Democrats believe people are basically good but must be saved from themselves by their government. Republicans believe people are basically bad but they’ll be okay if they’re left alone.
— Andy Rooney
It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.
— Andy Rooney
Life is real at war, concentrated and intense. It is lived at full speed.
— Andy Rooney
For one thing, writing is a cathartic experience. Once you’ve put something down on paper, you can dismiss it from your mind.
— Andy Rooney
We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers.
— Andy Rooney
I’ve learned …. That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
— Andy Rooney
Good Christmas decorations are better than bad Christmas decorations, but even bad Christmas decorations are better than none at all.
— Andy Rooney
I’d be more willing to accept religion, even if I didn’t believe it, if I thought it made people nicer to each other but I don’t think it does.
— Andy Rooney
Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
— Andy Rooney
Inspiring Andy Rooney Quotes
On several occasions I’ve actually ended up convinced that my memory serves better than the historians
— Andy Rooney
Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
— Andy Rooney
A good teacher hands out more encouragement than pupils deserve as a matter of teaching technique.
— Andy Rooney
I’ve learned… that just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’ makes my day.
— Andy Rooney
No matter how I did on the field, I was determined not to be a jock and let football dominate my life.
— Andy Rooney
Death is a distant rumor to the young.
— Andy Rooney
I’ve learned… that everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
— Andy Rooney
Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.
— Andy Rooney
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
— Andy Rooney
Best Andy Rooney Quotes
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
— Andy Rooney
I dislike loud-mouthed patriots who suggest they like our country more than I do. Some people’s idea of patriotism is hating other countries.
— Andy Rooney
I’ve learned…. That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you… More.
— Andy Rooney
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”, here’s an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
— Andy Rooney
Being kind is more important than being right.
— Andy Rooney
I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you.
— Andy Rooney
Teachers who have plugged away at their jobs for twenty, thirty, and forty years are heroes. I suspect they know in their hearts they’ve done a good thing, too, and are more satisfied with themselves than most people are. Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
— Andy Rooney
Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.
— Andy Rooney
I’ve learned …. That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
— Andy Rooney
If you don’t enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the chances are you’re not going to be happy. If someone bases his happiness or unhappiness on major events like a great new job, huge amounts of money, a flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to Paris, that person isn’t going to be happy much of the time. If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.
— Andy Rooney
Vegetarian – that’s an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
— Andy Rooney
Don’t take a butcher’s advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he’d be a chef.
— Andy Rooney
A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, “What are you thinking?”. She doesn’t care what you think.
— Andy Rooney
I’ve learned… That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
— Andy Rooney
I’ve learned… That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
— Andy Rooney
The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!
— Andy Rooney
I’ve learned… That love, not time, heals all wounds.
— Andy Rooney
Have you noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? Like bills aren’t distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels…I write, “Could you throw this away for me?”
— Andy Rooney
I understand shipping – you have to expect to pay for the stamps or for the freight company – but what’s this handling they always have? How much does handling cost, anyway? I don’t want a lot of people handling something I’m going to buy before I get it. How much would it cost if you didn’t handle it before you sent it to me?
— Andy Rooney
If I’d known how many problems I was going to run into before I finished, I can’t remember a single project I would have started.
— Andy Rooney
Don’t keep saying, “I don’t know where the time goes.” It goes the same place it’s always gone and no one has ever known where that is.
— Andy Rooney
When it comes to educating all of us about the most basic things in life, it seems to me we need more kindergartens and fewer graduate schools.
— Andy Rooney
Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can’t help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, “How can he want me the way I look in the morning?” It’s because we can’t see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.
— Andy Rooney
Half the cookbooks tell you how to cook the food and the other half tell you how to avoid eating it.
— Andy Rooney
I’ve learned… That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
— Andy Rooney
I’ve learned… That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help him in some other way.
— Andy Rooney
the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
— Andy Rooney
I’ve learned… That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
— Andy Rooney
Most of the people in the world are good and decent if you give them a chance to be.
— Andy Rooney
I’ve learned… That life is tough, but I’m tougher.
— Andy Rooney
Most of us believe everyone has a right to his own opinion – as long as it agrees with ours.
— Andy Rooney
I mean, the notion that we must love everything in this country or get out and go someplace else is ridiculous. I mean, if you — the best thing a patriotic American can do is to look and be critical and find out what’s wrong and try to make it better. That’s what a patriotic American does.
— Andy Rooney
Why am I an atheist? I ask you: Why is anybody not an atheist? Everyone starts out being an atheist. No one is born with belief in anything. Infants are atheists until they are indoctrinated. I resent anyone pushing their religion on me. I don’t push my atheism on anybody else. Live and let live. Not many people practice that when it comes to religion.
— Andy Rooney
Do I have opinions that might piss people off? Yes – that’s what I’m here for.
— Andy Rooney
I’ve learned… That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
— Andy Rooney
I’ve learned… That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.
— Andy Rooney
I’m always on the lookout for something good about people. Often months go by.
— Andy Rooney
Unfortunately, propaganda works.
— Andy Rooney
I just wish this social institution [religion] wasnt based on what appears to me to be a monumental hoax built on an accumulation of customs and myths directed toward proving something that isnt true.
— Andy Rooney
I’ve learned… That money doesn’t buy class.
— Andy Rooney
Republicans … are conservatives who think it would be best if we faced the fact that people are no damned good. They think that if we admit that we have selfish, acquisitive natures and then set out to get all we can for ourselves by working hard for it, that things will be better for everyone. They are not insensitive to the poor, but tend to think the poor are impoverished because they won’t work. They think there would be fewer of them to feel sorry for if the government did not encourage the proliferation of the least fit among us with welfare programs.
— Andy Rooney
My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, “Married!” and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it’s hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.
— Andy Rooney
Most of us aren’t that interested in getting rich- we just don’t want to get poor.
— Andy Rooney
Some people who hated Americans set out to kill a lot of us and they succeeded [on 9/11]….We’re trying to protect ourselves with more weapons. We have to do it, I guess, but it might be better if we figured out how to behave as a nation in a way that wouldn’t make so many people in the world want to kill us.
— Andy Rooney
Sooner or later the world will have to return to the good old days when we fought wars and killed people the old-fashioned way, one at a time.
— Andy Rooney
Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
— Andy Rooney
I don’t like food that’s too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I’d buy a painting.
— Andy Rooney
If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
— Andy Rooney
The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can’t eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as ‘progress’, doesn’t spread.
— Andy Rooney
Figure skating is an unlikely Olympic event but its good television. It’s sort of a combination of gymnastics and ballet. A little sexy too which doesn’t hurt.
— Andy Rooney
All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law.
— Andy Rooney
Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.
— Andy Rooney
We’re all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don’t make any big ones.
— Andy Rooney
Would a real man get caught eating a twinkie?
— Andy Rooney
The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort – the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing – the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.
— Andy Rooney
The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine, and it’s probably a good thing. We don’t need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds. Some of the professionals are bad enough.
— Andy Rooney
Obscenities… I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can’t think of what they want to say and they’re frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren’t very smart – want to be just one of the boys.
— Andy Rooney
Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
— Andy Rooney
I’m in a position of feeling secure enough so that I can say what I think is right and if so many people think it’s wrong that I get fired, well, I’ve got enough to eat.
— Andy Rooney
I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran.
— Andy Rooney
I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If you don’t return the form the area you live in might get less government money and you wouldn’t want that to happen, would you.
— Andy Rooney
As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book.
— Andy Rooney
When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.
— Andy Rooney
My own time is passing fast enough without some national game to help it along.
— Andy Rooney
Don’t rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.
— Andy Rooney
I obviously have a knack for getting on paper what a lot of people have thought and didn’t realize they thought. And they say, ‘Hey, yeah!’ And they like that.
— Andy Rooney
The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men.
— Andy Rooney
Taxes are important. President Bush’s tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of.
— Andy Rooney
The dullest Olympic sport is curling, whatever ‘curling’ means.
— Andy Rooney
I don’t pick subjects as much as they pick me.
— Andy Rooney
The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.
— Andy Rooney
I like ice hockey, but it’s a frustrating game to watch. It’s hard to keep your eyes on both the puck and the players and too much time passes between scoring in hockey. There are usually more fights than there are points.
— Andy Rooney
A writer’s job is to tell the truth.
— Andy Rooney
Let’s make a statement to the airlines just to get their attention. We’ll pick a week next year and we’ll all agree not to go anywhere for seven days.
— Andy Rooney
Writers don’t retire. I will always be a writer.
— Andy Rooney
I don’t think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn’t surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number?
— Andy Rooney
The Super Bowl isn’t for kids, I had a great time though and it was worth every nickel of it because by doing this lame piece about the game I can put it on my expense account.
— Andy Rooney
